Monday, May 25, 2009

Memorial Day at the Track


Some of the Nation's political leaders put their heads together and decided that this year's Memorial Day Weekend festivities should include a Blast-from-the-Past event. A big "Thanks" to the National Guard for the used equipment donation.
Sad to say, President Obama was unable to attend because of security reasons. Press reporters ask the President if he had any comments. "I'm sure the event was real crowd pleaser. I plan to watch the taped video as soon as I get the chance" Obama looked bright-eyed and bushy-tailed after doing several laps in the White House pool. "We must remember that our Nation was built on Super Stock Car Racing and that has to change. The upcoming Tank Derby Days should be even more exciting. Small towns across the Country are wanting more bang for their money these days." Obama refused to comment on the rumor that his family and friends were scalping tickets. "Now is the time to hop to it, I've got work to do." he said with a toothy grin, "Have a happy holiday."

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Fire Alarm/No Battries Required

Keeping up with the latest in innovative technology is high on my list of priorities.
My friend Willow has a rare sense of humor that never fails to make me laugh. When the clouds are gray as a passing sad mood. I never know what awaits me as I open one of her emails, and so, I thought I would share her fast-and-easy scientific fire alarm.
This device really works!
Although not currently approved by the Underwriters Laboratories for standard fire safety. We are hoping her new "hoppen poppen" fire alarm system will soon become more than just corny fad for the ultra rich.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Kermit's Comeback


"Ooh, I bet you're wondering how I knew about your plans to make me blue... heard it through the grape vine... so Miss Piggy back in town... Kurmit, she's not the only bogtrotten dame in the world. You've got to pull yourself together."

Monday, May 04, 2009

Some Things Have No Price Tag

Several days ago I was outside practicing my swing by whacking pine cones with me nine iron. Looking down the meadow valley I could see smoke bellowing up over the mountains. My first thought was, "I need a rake, this nine iron ain't doing a proper job of cleaning up the yard."
My neighbor Linda, who is a forest biologist said, "They're probably doing a controlled burn, and it got away from them."
I had been Googling satellite views of the area the night
before and had planed to go exploring up there for information on a story I'm working on. The next morning Sarah was whining to go for a drive (she loves to go exploring) so I grabbed the camera and we drove into town for supplies: coffee, half and half, brown sugar, tobacco, dog biscuits, and of course any news on the fire. We stopped by my friends Peter and Joann's for a short visit and I mentioned the fact that I didn't have a rake. While in the kitchen having coffee with Joann, Peter, dear man that he is, promptly found an old rake head and wielded a long length of pipe to it for a handle. He even sprayed painted it red! Dang! Am I blessed or what?
Driving home I decided to take a side road and check out how the "controlled burn" was coming along. Driving up the mountain I stopped to talk with a Forest Service crew. I introduced myself to Ben, a local who lives in Republic. He looked a little worried, but was very polite and answered all my questions.
It's a good feeling to know my countries forest are in the care of people like Ben. He's not the know-it-all college type with experience that only comes from books. I'm sure he, and others who work for the Forest Service take a lot of flack and judgemental criticism about the work they do.
Sarah and I drove home over the mountain and through the fire area. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. In fact, as control burns go, I would say, "Good Job" Ben, and those who are the guardians of our National Forests, "Thank You!"
As a side note, I did have to stop several times to pick up discarded trash left by people who have no respect for the natural beauty of our Mountains. The back of my pickup is full of: soda cans, beer cans, plastic bottles, glass bottles, etc. I know the Forest Service crews are not hired to do "Maid Service", neither am I. So remember to clean up your own shit that you bring to our mountain home, other wise your children will never be able to enjoy the beauty of this country. There are forces here that don't take kindly to human garbage and disrespect of nature. Yes, there are guardians that only locals are aware of. The kind of things most people only read about and hear stories of. So please, think twice before carelessly tossing that empty can, bottle, or plastic container...or well...lets just say, in these mountains of, big EYES, big EARS, and BIG TEETH of the mythical Sasquatches, werewolves, ghosts and spirits, and a horde of other terrifying beings to frightful to mention, litter bugs are sometimes never seen again. Burp!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Monkey Mind the Lock




With a rainbow of colour to choose from.
1984 a key to the future?

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Johnna's Bead Work


This is a sample of the bead work my friend Johnna does. I know the photo isn't the best, but her beading is. She also makes the best beer. I am blessed to have such a good friends as Johnna and Lou.
On a warm Summer's afternoon at the ranch, to sit on the porch with my friends while the cattle dogs keep a watchful eye and a several cats snooze, to look out on the breath taking view of the mountain with dozens horses and the longhorns grazing peacefully and share a few homemade brews while the barbecue waifs the mouth watering smell of roast chicken. "It don't get any better than that." as my friend Peter would say. (Peter smokes the best salmon I've ever tasted.) So I'm bragging, you would too. Good friends, good conversation, good food, and Johnna's home brew... Yahoo!

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Guano for Sale

It wasn't easy being different than the rest of the kids at school. Most of our friends had parents who gave them money. My brother David and me had to be creative in earning our spending money because our parents couldn't give us what they didn't have. We would come up with all kinds of ideas on how to make money and have fun at it too. One of our favorite entrepreneurial adventures was exploring caves for bat guano. Exploring caves is called spelunking. How did we earn money spelunking?
We would gather all the bat shit we could find, scoop it up in gunny sacks, and sell it for fertilizer to a little old Italian man who lived down the street.
"I buya alla the guano you bringa me." he would say, and so he did. He had the best garden in the neighborhood. Heck, he had the best garden in the whole town. He would say to us, "You smart bambanos, you worka hard, you makea your parents proud." Sad to say I don't remember his name after fifty years, but I do remember his dark tan face, his sparkling eyes, and the way he always rolled up the sleeves of his clean white shirt just like my daddy did. David and I would take him a gunny sack full of guano and he would share with us the bounty of what he grew in his garden, plus a few bucks for spending money. Now that I look back on those times, I guess my brother and me wasn't as nearly as poor as we thought we were.

Janell Cannon's book, Stellaluna is a wonderful story about trying to fit in when you're just a little different than your friends. http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&aq=s5&oq=Stellalu&ie=UTF-8&rlz=1T4GWYE_enUS248US286&q=stellaluna+summary

http://www.superkids.com/aweb/pages/reviews/e_read2/stella/merge.shtml

Being a fruit bat may not be easy, because if you're different, you may have to try a little harder than most.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Momma WhoDo's Interview


Reporter Carry Crum from the Washington Post interviews Momma WhoDo Juju Bean at her castle fortress.







Momma: Being an Island Queen isn't as easy as it looks. Keeping an eye on me people is hard work.

Reporter: Is it true you had a relationship with Groucho Marks?

Momma: Where in the hell do you think he got the idea to smoke cigars and tell jokes?

Reporter: What are your plans for this week?

Momma: Well I sure as hell ain't going to the beach. Say, your kinda cute.

Reporter: Do you always smoke such big blunts?

Momma: Only when I'm working.

Reporter: Is it true you have an army of Zombies?

Momma: Where in the hell did you hear that? I run a legitimate operation.

Reporter: What do you think about the new U.S. tax on tobacco?

Momma: For lands sake, that was just a little April Fools Day joke me minions cooked up. I can't help it if people are stupid.

Reporter: Thanks for the interview Momma Who Do.

Momma: Any time cutie pie. I hear voodoo drumming, it time to dance.



Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Crunching Numbers















Clicking and clacking,
With wings a flapping,
Battered-
In hot oil,
Fried to a,
Savery golden brown.

In some parts of the world,
Markets daily fare.
Insects are,
Like potato chips,
Chrispy-
Chunchy-
Snacks.

Grubs squirm, humm hoppers,
Picking teeth and choppers,
With toasted ortho- claw,
Food,
Crawled from sea.

Odanàta,
Mantòdea,
Blattàriea run and hide.
Others,
Take it in stride.
Numbers grow,
And so the dough,
Humm!
Food for that empty feeling.

http://www.insects.org/entophiles/index.html

Monday, March 23, 2009

The Pod People










Turning and turning,
Round and round,
Up and down,
The economic spin.
Where manikins play with dolls,
Flying high and feel low.
Spoon fed from digital tube,
A daily dose of crap,
Spewed from high above.
In the market locker,
Raw meat hangs from hooks.
Hungry greedy eyes, with-
Chicken chumming buckets,
Bait and switch, Buzzz suckers,
Watching to jump in,
The feeding frenzy on the floor.
Crooky cookey, chippy keys,
Many banking on the fall.
Fuck the smut idea,
Don't you think at all?
Plane and simple,
No puzzles please.
Fast bites drawing blood,
Under darkness cover,
Obsequiousness fade then,
Abrazos(hugs)the curve with cash.
Round and round,
Up and down
The economic spin,
Keeping it simple.
Hal-luci-nation,
Changeing au handshake,
To the kiss of death.
Painted faces,
Nip and tuck,
Piching caching,
Richer than the mass.
Pod people high,
The t-urning.
Demons and Angels
Underground earning,
My trust in love, and play.
Diving for the deep.
On the wheel of trading day.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Watching the Box


What is Love?
Dreams sent on wings,
Above food for what,
A thing called time.
Low landing alone,
On two legs still standing.
Many hearts singing,
Beating drums,
Empty time dreaming.
Writing,
Reading,
Watching,
Passing,
Full the cup of life.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Emotions in the Park

This photo by Diane Arbus sums up the pent-up emotions possible when life's problems seem a little unusual, or you've been cooped up in a cabin all winter and are anxious to get outside and play.
With Spring right around the corner, and much appreciated warmer weather, I'm looking forward to an explosion of blooming flowers when the snow finally melts. It's been a long Winter here in the mountains.
Stopped by my friend Aye's blog
http://ayesrandomravings.blogspot.com/, seems he's having his share of puzzling starter problems. I'm confident he'll have the situation fixed and running smoothly without popping a gasket, or pulling the pin.


Monday, March 09, 2009

Crossing yo Teez, Dotting yo iz


Argot-A distinctive way of writing or speaking... a unique vocabulary used by a particular class, profession, or social group.
Faux simplicity,
Pruned!
Is three enough?
Is six to many?
Reality!
Club members,
Address the ball.
Keep yo head high!
See the hook,
Dump fee,
Smack on the green,
Rolling, rolling, rolling...
Plop!
In the cup.
"Eats shoots and leaves."
Crossing your Tee's

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Persistent Perseverance Suited

While the Witches of Wüstland sat in council in a dark tent, Tortu of the Chelonia clan quietly listened from her perch atop a large rock outside. A single tear dropped from her eye to quickly evaporate in the desert heat. Tortu had learned not to shed many tears of precious moisture on her emotions in the forsaken wasteland of the southern regions. She tapped her claws on the bolder, thinking in rhythm as she listened to malicious rumors spueing from the evil witch Diadema. Yawning and torquing her neck forward to hear better, Tortu vowed to make Diadema pay for her lies.


Overhead in the turquoise coloured sky, white clouds moved slowly in the hot breeze. Two eagles of Haliaeetus cried out in agreement with Tortu's whispered vow. "Thank you my high flying friends."she said, "Your view point is always welcome." And again turned her head to hear better. Tortu could hear laughter in the tent where the witches sat in a circle around a pit of steaming hot rocks.

The evil witch Diadema had stopped talking, and now the brave mother named LittleThunder began to speak. "North, from the land of Fangrala in the forest of the Roux Ga Roux a message has come to me. Time and distance has no meaning in that forest. It is a place near to the spirit world where all calls are local." Waving her hand in a right-hand circle around the sacred stones glowing scarlet in the dark, LittleThunder smiled, and tossed her long hair braid from her shoulder playfully. "Now we will sing a song of healing for those brave hearts that are heavy with the responsibility of guardianship."

Tiny Iktome sat near the door across from LittleThunder as she sang. Iktome's many eyes and hairy legs danced as she dangled from a strong thread of spiderweb. Because of jealousy, Diadema reached out to kill tiny Iktome as she danced. LittleThunder grabbing Diadema's hand saying, "Here we respect life. Iktome dances for joy at our songs, let her dance in safety. You must not harm her. Do you understand me?" Wicked Diadema quickly pulled back her hand in fear of the power in Little Thunder's strong voice. All the council witches joined in as LittleThunder again began to sing the healing song.

Outside, Tortu sitting on her rock smiled as she listened. She could hear the small voice of Diadema join in the singing. Now Diadema's heart also began to heal form the jealousy she had carried, for she was beginning to learn from her many witch sisters. Tiny Iktome danced and danced, bringing much joy to those who watched. Above in the sky, the eagles of Haliaeetus soared. Their high pitched whistling crys brought a feeling of freedom to all those who were honored to hear them.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Typing with Style/Bedazzling Keyboarding

Is your day at the office getting kinda dull?
Are your fingers itchn' for something new?
Are you wrists achn' for energy?

Typing can be fun with these handcuffs. Sexy!

Showm' who's BOSS in the office.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Spring Forcast

She could hear the dogs yapping as sled crested a low ridge, fat flakes of snow fell in swirls blurring visibility. The wind cutting through the back of her parka felt like sharp knives. Not enough time to head for the treeline and hide. He was following her snowshoe tracks. The baby strapped at her breast whimpered, awakened by her quickening heartbeat and the smell of fear.
"Aho Mady. You need a ride to town?" His voice smooth and thick, like the oil in big metal pipeline she was following.
"My milk is drying up, I need to get some formula for the baby."
Her heart raced and she could feel cold beads of sweat run down her arm pits.
"You should have let me know Mady, I would have saved you the trip." Taking off a heavy leather mitten, his callused hand swiped at the wet ice that hung in trailing crystals from his mustache and beard. "Mady, it's dangerous to leave the cabin this time of year. Grizzles are coming out of hibernation, you should know that? Why didn't you take a rifle?"
"I wanted to travel fast and be back before nightfall. I was going to ask someone in town to give me a ride back to the cabin." Her lower jaw quivering as she spoke. Trying to keep her voice under control, she smiled not looking into the mans eyes. The dogs now snapping at each other and barking loudly, they jerked in their harness causing the sled to lunge several feet forward.
"Hold!" he yelled loudly.
The underlying quality of emotion in his voice sent uncontrollable shivers through the young woman. The baby's crying muffled inside the heavy down parka increased as she knelt to remove her snowshoes and climb carefully into the dog sled.
The snow had stop by the time the sled team reached the outskirts of the village. Someone was cussing, pulling on a snowmobile's starter cord for the umpteenth time. Idling smoothly, a small single engine plane sat on short newly plowed airstrip. Two uniform men with rifles began walking toward the quonset hut where the dog sled had just stopped. Patting the woman's shoulder roughly, the man leaned forward and ask, "Did you know the mail plane was coming in today?"
Mady shaking her head no, smiled in relief.

Monday, February 23, 2009

The Arrow of Washeshu


With her arms crossed tightly across her chest, Ualaxy shivered in a sudden rush of goose bumps. Her hair tingling, she said. "Something is coming this way."
"What is it you are feeling? You look as if..." The Loup Garou looking at the girl with is head tilted, twitched his nose, his big ears rotated as if listening intensely.
Whoosh... thump! Something had just slammed into the small cabins door. A quivering twanging sound, a vibration sending the Loup Garou to jump from his chair and rush to the door."
"Ohooo!" he said, and looked over his shoulder to see Ualaxy's reaction.
Ualaxy rocked back-and-forth slowly with her eyes closed.
"You are more important than I realised." said the shaking wolf.
Outside the cabin the singing of many wolfs filled the air.
"Okey dokey. We both must be brave hearted. Are you afraid?" he ask?
Ualaxy nodded her head answering yes.
"Are you brave enough to continue?"
Ualaxy nodded her head yes."
"Brave girl, I will call you, 'Brave Girl of My People." The wolfs eyes glowed in the lamp light and many tears filled his eyes. He smiled, looking at the girl with new respect.
"Are you just going to stand looking like a woozie, or are you going to open the door?"
The Loup Garou wolf took a deep breath, his nose sniffing the door up-and-down, and from side-to-side. Ualaxy heard him whisper something under his breath as he opened the door.
"Ahwooo!" he said. "It is a message sent from the high desert clan of the Washoe-Washeshu. Ahhh, from the lake of Ku-ya-pa. On your travels to this cabin, did you once stop by a strange lake?"
Ualaxy nodded her head yes.
"Umm. It seems you have a message from the Mothers of the Lake." With a shaking paw, the wolf carefully removed a strange arrow from the cabin's door. "Big medicine, this message." and walked to the small round table. He slowly placed the arrow on the table. His large tale twitched in excitement.
"Message? I see no message." said Ualaxy looking at the arrow on the table. "It just looks like an arrow to me. Where is the message?"
"I can see my job of teaching you is not going to be as easy as I first thought."
"Easy! You want easy?"
"All right now listen to me. We must read the arrow together." said the wolf, his voice now calm with a hint of kindness that only wolves possess. "There is a plant that grows in the southwest region of the western desert. The people of the Blackpool Kapern have destroyed much of the land where it grows wild." The Loup Garou's eyes searched the cabin as he stood close to the young girl. "Did you find a leather pouch here in the cabin?"
"Yes." said the girl.
"Please, will you bring it to me?"
Ualaxy stood up and walked into the small cabins other room where she slept. Under her bed of many skins, she reached for a small leather bag she had found along with the lamp and book. The bag was covered with many small beautiful glass beads that had been sewn into the leather. She returned to the living room and placed the pouch on the table in front of the wolf.
"Thank you." said the wolf. "Hump... big medicine, Please sit down and we will began."
Ualaxy gracefully sat down. Her hand slightly shaking.
"Little Brave Girl, you show big courage. The clans of my people have made a good choice in giving you such gifts. " And again the wolves eyes filled with tears.
"Ya ya, so now what do we do now?"
"We prepare ourselves to read the message of the arrow."
Sitting on a small table next to the cabin's window was a shell from Queen's Bay of the great sea to the west of Blue Bird River.
"Please, hand me that sea shell."
Ualaxy reached from her chair to the small table and handed the sea shell to the the Loup Garou. Carefully opening the leather pouch, he removed several dried leaves from the desert plant, and placed them in the sea shell.
"How did you know what was in the pouch?" ask the young girl.
"We call it intuition in your language, it too is a gift from the spirit world." said the wolf with a big smile showing his many white teeth. From the wood stove he removed glowing ember and placed in in the shell from the great mother sea. Ribbons of white smoke curled up from the shell as he placed it on the table. "Now only truth will be spoken between us. The Witches of Wüstland, the People of Washoe-Washeshu, and many clans will hear our words. We must choose our words wisely."
"I'm afraid." said Ualaxy. The air in the cabin now smelled clean with the odor of the white smoke that curled around them.
The wolf smiled. "Apparently you have been adopted by many clans because of your bravery. The Queen of Little Thunder Sea has tested you and knows your spirit guides to be very brave and yet full of fun. She will help you over come your fear. Excitement and fearful emotions feel very similar. Relax and have faith you are protected. Now, shall we read the messages of the arrow?"