It snowed to the west last night, missing my mountian top by several hundred feet. Looking out my kitchen window the sun is shinning and the sky bright blue. Looking north is another story, a ground fog like a grey blanket covers the mountian in ice. I wonder which of the two conditions will prevail for the day? The outside weather forcast is in Spirit's hands, but I am the maker of my internal state of mind.The two pictures are of a plant called white sage; I know it to grow in the foothills of southern California. It is a sacred plant to many native americans all over the country. It has a pleasant smell and is used for many things, one of which is smudging. The smoke from sage can cleanse the soul and bring peace to balance troubled thoughts. Why can't I arrange these photos and script the way I want? Oh well, just another little thing for me to learn, not to worry for now.
It's funny, as a little girl I watched my father burn small pieces of white sage in an abalone shell, weither he was drunk or sober. I just thought it was a dumb Indian thing. It was a custom I knew nothing about until I saw a woman in a shop smudging. Being as self centered as I am, I wondered if we were related in some way. She answered all my questions, and many years went by before I was able to accept the part of me that I kept hidden in shame. Today I do my best to forgive my father for his faults, and his not teaching me more of my native culture. Maybe he knew best, probably my blind judgment would have caused me not to understand anyway.
I am still caught between two worlds, but through prayer and a little ceremony of burning white sage, I find the balance needed to walk foward with hope and a strength that is not my own.
7 comments:
Accepting oneself is easier said than done. Perhaps it is because we are taught, from an early age, to acknowledge positive traits or accomplishments is to be egotistical, arrogant or narcissistic. We are told tooting our own horn is wrong. So we learn to rely on others to give us worth, acceptance and praise.
Is it any wonder we have such a hard time learning to see beauty, talent and goodness in ourselves? And why are we surprised when the ones we value and love most reject us, we feel worthless and ugly?
It takes years to undo the dysfunction we learn as children. One has to work at learning to love and appreciate oneself for the lessons learned as a child are deeply ingrained. It is why we are usually a work in progress for the majority of our adult lives.
I hope you have reached the point in your life, Susan, that you can accept who you are, warts and all. God surely does, and we, your blogging friends, do.
It's an adventure all right, and like climbing a mountian, once your on top the only way is down to get to another peak.
Who said, "Life is an adventure or nothing at all?" and "Getting there is half the fun".
Accepting my self is like that, some days I struggle, others are like a walk in the park.
As for what others think, really it's none of my business unless I can learn from their guidence.
Thanks for the nudge foward Yvonne.
Learning to love yourself is the greatest gift of all. Please take the time to appreciate and learn about the person who you are, Susan. You are a unique expression and have a special place in this life.
I respect you and see you to be a beautiful spirit. Please look within to see that in yourself.
i would look inside, but i can't get past the outside.
i'm superficial, even with myself.
i am my own worst critic.
Yvonne, Senerity, Lilly, I think knowing the self is like the tide, sometimes it's in and sometimes it's out, ever changing.
Something in our soul remains the same, staying close to that is probably is the most peaceful place I know.
Never thought of it that way, Susan. But you are right. I do surprise myself every once in a while with my thoughts or behaviors. However, I think most folks have a harder time accepting the good in themselves.
When I meet someone, I intentionally look for positive traits, ie, a nice smile, pretty hands, lovely hair, kind eyes. Then I search for a gentle spirit, a fiesty spirit, an accepting spirit. My point being, I look for the positive. But when I look in the mirror, I see wrinkles, jowls, a little too much weight. I hate the way most clothes fit. In other words, I am usually dissatisfied with what I see and react with negativity. It is almost second nature.
It is only then that I consciously take the time to think about my positive traits. In the beginning, I give a total stranger more consideration than I do myself. It is hard work and always a work in progress to realize I'm a good egg too.
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